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Doing What You Love is Overrated

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“I could never work a typical 9-5”

“Ew, you’re basically a corporate zombie.”

“If you do what you love, you never have to work a day in your life.”

It seems that in recent years, there is a large shift of distaste towards traditional occupations. We are berated with this notion that the not-so-glamorous 9-5 jobs should not be your goal. They should be avoided at all costs. If you scroll across TikTok or Instagram, we are flooded with instances of creators who are becoming financially independent by doing what they love, and, in turn, we too feel as if we must follow the herd in doing the same.

And this is nice, right? That our generation has the luxury to support dreams and aspirations that vary so widely from traditional methods of income generation. 

I enjoy this concept of doing what you love. I believe that doing what you love provides feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction. It gives us purpose.

It makes us feel alive. 

But, I would like to provide a little pushback to this notion of undertaking what you love as an occupation. In Emma Chamberlain’s hit podcast Anything Goes, she discusses this very topic in an episode titled “the truth about being self employed.”

Her point is essentially this:

When what you love is also the means by which you make a living, you play a dangerous game. You see, what you love slowly transforms into a responsibility. No longer are you able to enjoy the thing that gives you pleasure; but rather, you are forced to do it because otherwise you would not be able to survive. Those very passions become obligations.

Even further (specifically for those who are looking for a self-employed life), you can never truly “log off.” You are plagued by the constant anxiety of doing something or bettering your craft in some way. Therefore, there really is no work-life separation. You are in a perpetual state of working all the time, where the lines blur between your personal and professional life. 

Therefore, while it may seem attractive to dictate your own success, you feel burdened by the fact that only you can dictate the amount of success/failure. You become the cause and the blame. This can be detrimental to your mental health. 

And here’s my stance on traditional jobs.

Yes, doing something you hate for 40 hours a week while you grow old will most definitely make a sane man mad. But, doing something you can tolerate, now that is a different story. 

Because here’s the thing.

While working a job you can tolerate, you are able to accomplish so much. For one, you are given a schedule and are able to integrate that into your daily routine; freeing yourself from the worry of constantly planning each day, week, or month. This will also free up mental capacity to worry about the more important things in life. 

Then, many traditional jobs provide a consistent stream of income that gives you the financial freedom to explore your passions, travel, or enjoy life. There is an unnecessary romanticization of the struggling artist. Why struggle? Why not pursue your passions in a sustainable manner? Again, this steadiness will relieve you from unnecessary stress of worrying about making payments.

Therefore, while mundanity can grow tiresome it can also be a necessary stepping stone to living a happy and fulfilling life. 

I would like to clarify that I don’t believe that no one should ever make a career out of their passions. I believe that it is amazing if you are able to, but it is an unnecessary expectation for everyone. Don’t feel pressured to pursue a career in something you love. That is too much stress. We feel as if we aren’t doing life right if we are working a traditional job when that is not the case.  So, if you take anything away from this article, take this:

It is okay to be working a traditional job. Whatever fits your goals, lifestyle, journey, etc. No one can tell you what will be the best option for you. 

The Importance of Moving Away After College

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When I encounter someone in their thirties and discuss the conclusion of my college career, many times I am given the unsolicited advice of:

“Move away after college.”

While this has always been my plan (a symptom of the urge for new experiences), I never quite understood the importance of moving away after college. Now, I am one month from doing so–at the brink of a new chapter–staring at stacks of packed boxes piling my room. Finally, I feel like I understand (although I will never really know until possibly years from this current moment).

But here’s my thoughts.

Most of us are aware that we hold the power to change our lives at any given moment. We can quit our job. We can tell those toxic people in our lives to screw off. We can change the way we look or pick up a new hobby.

Yet, many of us don’t do this. I coach many young individuals who are still stuck in a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction; motivated by the disconnect between their ideal and current self. And when prompted about why, the reply always seems to follow the lines of

“I can’t.”

Which we have established is a false statement, at least from a realistic point of view. But the argument isn’t about realism, it is about practicality. Many young individuals do not have a strong sense of self, and social media has only perpetuated this issue. However, I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing. It is a natural thing.

A 21-22 year old student cannot be expected to have this strong sense of self. They have lived their whole lives being told who they should be or what they should be. They have spent the majority of their life up until this point being simply lectured at. Therefore, we begin to look externally for validation and a sense of belonging. As a byproduct of this, many of our perceptions of ourselves are shaped by those around us. We are confined by the limits of our inner and outer circles–by our social perception. It’s not practical to go against this.

Thus, it’s hard to flip a switch and become a new person. Because our close friends (and subsequently ourselves) only know of us to be a certain way.

This is why the next chapter of moving away is so important. 

By doing so, we are relieved from the shackles of our past selves. We are granted the opportunity to reinvent ourselves. We are then allowed to fail in this process. We are free from judgment from those whose opinions we care most about. You see, we are forced in a place of uncomfortability. No longer can we hide behind the tranquility that our close knit group of friends provides for us.

And even more so, change breeds adaptability. Adaptability fosters growth. Old environments of comfortability do not breed change. That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, but it simply means there is an extra barrier standing in the way during a moment where the least amount of resistance is ideal.

Finally, moving away allows us to gain new experiences and meet new people. In our short time as a young individual, I believe it is tremendously important to have these types of experiences before settling down. Because we all want stability in the end. But the worst kind of stability is one where you look back and wish you hadn’t settled for it so soon.

I say this all before having done it. Perhaps I am wrong about these ideas. But regardless, the testament of moving has already begun this process for me.

Overcoming Decision Paralysis

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Ripple effect (noun): the continuing and spreading results of an event or action

The scale of the effects of our decision-making can lead to the inability to find comfort in choosing a singular option; thus, leading to decision paralysis. We are usually passively aware of this phenomenon of the ripple effect. Where each decision has the ability to alter the entire course of our life. If we had chosen a different group of friends, we would be entirely different individuals with different sets of beliefs, motivations, and ideologies. If we had chosen a different college to attend, our experiences and opportunities would vary widely from our current experience. 

However, despite this sentiment holding true in many decisions we face, it is not often that the decision, and its accompanying magnitude, is spelled out right before our eyes. It is within the conclusion of milestone moments (such as graduations) that truly emphasize the importance of our choices–and making the right one. As a newfound college grad and upcoming JD candidate, I am faced with a decision on a choosing school, where to live, and who I want to be. 

As I turn the page into the next chapter of my life, I am faced with decisions. What school should I attend, and, subsequently, which region do I want to live in after graduation? Who do I want to be when I move away, capable of redefining my personal relationships? Where do I see as a place that will foster growth and be conducive to my goals? Where will I find happiness? What are the kinds of people I will meet? Will they like me?


Who…?

What…?

Where…?

These questions spiral my sanity out of control until my confidence and excitement for what’s to come is evaporated, leaving anxiety in its place. 

I’d like to believe that my self-awareness has allowed me to deduce this much:

It is less about the fact that all options seem attractive to me, but more about the fact there are options.

It is the fear that I will choose the wrong option and be doomed to a life of misfortune and missed opportunity. Therefore, my brain enjoys the torture of conjuring up various situations that can justify choosing each option over any of the others.

This has undoubtedly caused for countless sleepless nights. Until one day, I stumbled across a quote that read:

“You didn’t make the wrong decision. You didn’t make the right decision. You made a decision. Now live with it.”

This resonated deeply with me. It was right. Could I justify any number of reasons to pursue a single option over the others? Yes. But what makes an option the objective “right decision”? Because the right decision wasn’t about the school nor was it about the place I would be living. It surely wasn’t about which was more conducive to my goals because they all ‘could’ be. So, what was it? I’d like to think it was the one that would allow me the most amount of happiness in the end.

And my happiness wasn’t confined to a single decision. It would never be. It was about whatever I made of my decision–the action and mindset that follows. 

If I were to wallow at my decision and constantly wish I had picked the other option, then, yes, I would have made the wrong decision. Our self-confirmation bias would lead me to notice all the reasons why I shouldn’t have chose my current decision. I would be doomed to a lifetime of regret.

But if I were to embrace my decision with open arms, view it as a blessing, and capitalize on the opportunity, then it would be considered the right decision. It doesn’t matter about the potential for subjectively better outcomes had I chose a different decision. Because those paths no longer exist.

What exists is the life laid out before me. My decision will lead to me to many crossroads, many road-less-traveled-by’s. I would be doing myself a disservice to dwell on a decision of the past, limiting my decision-making in the future.

Maybe you are facing a similar situation as I–torn between the idea of two (or more) decisions. Then I hope you can take as much as I have away from this quote. The objective nature of a decision will not determine if the decision is the best thing for you or not. It is your reaction and/or subsequent actions to the decision. 

A right decision does not exist. You determine what is the best decision.

My Thoughts on Perfectionism and Listening to Your Body

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I’m a chronic overachiever. A perfectionist. I pride myself in my ability to give 110% in ~most~ of the things I do (even if self-prescribed). When asked about my strengths, I oftentimes find myself pointing out this idea in perfectionism that I will work harder than those around me which ripples itself in a variety of ways throughout my daily life. 

When asked about my hobbies, I look to weightlifting–a hobby that I perform 6 days a week. One that I feel guilty about when I don’t participate in it. Professionally, I could not begin to count the amount of times I have sacrificed sleep in order to get more tasks done or acquire knowledge that I may regurgitate onto an exam the next day. Many times, I view leisure activities as a ‘waste of time’ as one could argue that the hours could be better spent on refining my skills to seem more attractive to future employers. 

Perhaps you find yourself in this thought loop where your brain justifies these thought patterns because you view it as competitive. But, here’s the thing that you, and I, need to hear the most: 

IT IS UNHEALTHY.

No matter the amount of evidence that could be used as an argument towards the approach of life in this way; it will not change the fact that this thought process is toxic and sows the seeds of unhappiness early in our lives. Within recent months, I have decided to take on a new ideology motion through the demands and responsibilities of mortal life and that is:

To listen to my body. 

I apply this concept broadly within my life. When approaching physical activity, it doesn’t mean I am constantly skipping days in the gym if I don’t feel like going because this would be counterintuitive to my goals.

I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. But that should not come at the cost of needless stress placed on myself to hit certain benchmarks. This simply means I become more in-tune with the way my body feels before, during, and after my workouts. 

I focus less on the number on the scale or the amount of weight on each side of the barbell. I simply monitor my mind to muscle connection. If my chest is sore or fatigued on my scheduled “push-day” workout, I will substitute variations of a pull-focused workout within my regiment. If I don’t feel particularly strong one day, I will lower the weight and focus on the eccentric movements within each repetition.

I don’t simply brute force myself through a workout because I feel like I need to. I listen to what my body tells me. This has not only allowed me to feel more confident in myself but has allowed me to find more joy in my workout routine. 

This principle applies in my work as well. If I am tired, instead of hyping myself up on caffeine to stay up an extra 3-5 hours, I take this as a sign that I should go to bed early, get a good night’s rest, and have an early start the next day. If I don’t feel particularly attuned to my studies, it may be a sign that I need to take a break. I’ll carve out time to organize my space, watch an episode of my favorite Netflix show, or simply take a 15-minute nap.

Holding yourself to such a high standard with no room for faults will ultimately result in burn-out. I view my social time as a needed break from my studies and an opportunity to create lifelong bonds with my roommates. 

This realization and subsequent action arose from recognizing that your most valuable asset is yourself. You wouldn’t push your car to run 100,000 miles past its need for an oil change. This will result in a variety of issues that require way more money and time than if you had simply taken the time to get an oil change when the issue arose. I view my body in a similar manner. We are human. We need maintenance, and we need to listen to our inner workings to ensure that we can continue operating at a high capacity. 

But, even aside from this fact

of high performance, our life is meant to be enjoyed. Compounding stress will only leave you less present in the moment. By becoming more attentive to your needs on an instance basis, you will be able to act reactively rather than constantly proactively. 

And maybe that’s the true essence of it all. To recognize that life is unpredictable. We can plan all we want–outlining each specific action that will increase the probability of a future outcome. But where is the beauty in that? I now like to think that I live each day more enveloped within my activities and with a healthier mindset than before. I listen to my body and my body thanks me for that.   

Lessons from College: Transitioning Into Adulthood From the Lens of a New College Graduate

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It’s become cliche that, in our youth, we hear from our parents and older peers that our time in the traditional education system is one that flies by–in the blink of an eye you are handed a diploma that signifies four years of memories and lessons from college that have shaped you into the individual you are today. We motioned through high school, distracted by innumerable streams of gossip and our placement within the social hierarchy just to close the chapter recognizing that our time is limited. For many, we flow through college in this similar transitory manner. Yet, amidst long caffeinated weekday nights and binge-drinking-filled weekends, this idea of the finite-nature of our college years doesn’t seem to hit home despite our previous experience. Perhaps as a symptom of willful ignorance, we choose to ignore the magnitude that is our bounded time as a young, broke, and dumb college student. While this may cause less importance being placed on moments that should be grasped and held onto, I personally believe in this testament of being present with those you love, to be making mistakes that you will regret but invariably learn from, and experiencing your life one moment to the next. 

ANOTHER MILESTONE

Yet, there will come a time when, as it has just occurred for me, we are forced to come to terms with the conclusion of our “childhood.” That is, sleeping in till noon on multiple days of the week no longer becomes a sustainable life practice. Or consuming copious amounts of alcohol multiple times a week no longer is “cool” but becomes “a drinking problem.” These changes in lifestyle are built upon the foundation of a singular idea: that you, as a 22-23 year-old college graduate, should have this whole life thing figured out. If you don’t, I guess you didn’t pay attention the previous 20-something years, right? 

And that’s scary isn’t it? To reach a tangible point towards where others will view you as a form of a solved puzzle. Whose pieces are now fully linked, and, with it, the larger picture of who we are meant to be is fully realized. More often than not, as I discuss with my peers, this is not nearly the outcome that many of us are presented with. We have matured. We have seen more obstacles and have broadened our sense of self within this vast world. But, we still don’t have life figured out. 

This past Saturday, I walked past that graduation stage–celebrated by family and friends. I graduated Summa Cum Laude and was recognized as the University’s Outstanding Senior, the College of Business’ Outstanding Graduate, Fraternity and Sorority Life’s Outstanding Senior, and was awarded the commencement’s leadership award. Yet, I will tell you one thing and that is that I still have no clue what I am doing. I am standing at the foot of a mountain that is tax payments, student debt, Roth IRA accounts, and soft-pitch softball leagues with not much of a better idea than when I entered college four years ago. Even more so, I look at who I want to become, and I am even more unsure of what that picture looks like. 

I am scared. 

Do I have friends who have bought houses and are working full-time jobs paying large salaries? Yes. 

Do I have friends who are getting married and beginning their lives as spouses? Yes.

Do I have friends who have dropped out of college and are navigating the world with a better sense of purpose and belonging? Yes.

Therefore, it’s possible but am I doing any of these things? 

No. 

And, that’s okay. 

What I have come to terms with is that every single person journeys through life at their own pace. Some are quicker to reach the idealized “finish line” sooner than others. But even if I am miles from this endpoint, it does not mean that progress hasn’t been made or that I am necessarily “behind” my peers. I am simply moving at my own pace. I am writing my story; albeit, my rising action may have a few extra chapters within it. That does not mean that my story is any less exciting or any less critically-acclaimed than those who have already reached their falling action. Luckily for me, and perhaps for you as well, I am a big fan of elaborate stories.

Despite my perceived lack-of-preparation for what comes next, it is not to say that I didn’t learn anything at all. Here are a few things that I have learned through my four years in my undergraduate career to those who may be currently in college or about to enter college.

  1. Try and Fail 

As a perfectionist seemingly plagued by the constant anxiety of feeling as if I have to excel at everything I do, the greatest lesson I learned through college was gaining the capacity to try new things. We often look at the daunting nature of our goals and become overwhelmed by what appears to be the countless amount of knowledge and expertise required to achieve them. But, what we fail to realize is that our role models started at the same point that we did: with no idea of what to do or how to get there. It was simply a dream. Thus, it is important to take our goals one step at a time. We don’t learn when we win. We learn when we fall to the ground, embarrassed, ego-bruised, and feeling defeated. It is within these moments that we reflect on what could have been done differently. It is important to reflect and to get back up and try again. I promise you no one is going to remember when you butchered that presentation in your Communications class freshman year, but you, as a senior who has become less anxious during large presentations and are now presenting in front of an entire assembly, will be appreciative of that growth opportunity. You are the only thing standing between yourself and who you want to be.

  1. Is it worth it?

I kept a 4.0 G.P.A. through my entire college career. As a display of this, I get the privilege of writing this bit of information within my resume. However, I question many times if it was really worth the amount of stress required to achieve this tiny sliver of text. Because while the outcome was the opportunity to display this information in my resume, LinkedIn biography, and to boast to my classmates, the cost was that I turned down countless opportunities to foster relationships with my friends in order to get in extra time for studying or doing homework. And when I look back at it, I regret this decision. Yes, it is extremely important to excel at your academics. But equally as important, if not more, is the relationships that you build throughout your college years. Your grades will not pick you up when you are upset. Your grades will not be who you introduce to your children, and they will not be the best man/bridesmaid at your wedding. Your friends will be those things. So, never forget to schedule in time to cultivate your friendships.

  1. The majority of learning takes place outside of the classroom.

If you ask me about the Federal Reserve’s response to increased inflation or the proper branding strategy for a new product launch, there is a high chance I will completely blank on this information despite what my degree may insinuate. However, if you place me in a team and ask me to lead a discussion, or give me an abundance of tasks and ask me to prioritize my time, I know that the knowledge I have gained through my extracurricular activities will translate into successful implementation of these items. It is through work outside of the classroom that I have learned about managing customer relationship systems, creating a website, inspiring others towards a common vision, creating and allocating a budget, and a variety of other useful tools that I may utilize toward my future success. It may become easy to get caught up in simply obtaining a degree from an institution, but I strongly encourage you to seek opportunities for growth beyond the classroom. These will distinguish you from others, and, I would argue, will be more useful in adapting to what future positions may require of you.

  1. Start thinking about what you want to do as you near the end of your first semester of your sophomore year. 

Notice how I said “start thinking” not “know”. I believe it is important to begin this process of self-discovery earlier than I originally believed I needed to. This may seem counterintuitive to the theme of this blog, but I don’t think I could give proper advice without including this bit of information for those reading. Thus, I urge you to explore various interests/career paths before the end of your junior year so that you can put yourself in the best position to obtain a job after graduation. This may mean interning at several companies in various sectors as to why I hinted at beginning this process early. I say this because you don’t want to reach the end of your college career feeling as if you HAVE to take a certain job that doesn’t excite you because there isn’t any job opportunity in the field you want to pursue. And while social media tells us to forgo salaries to pursue a career we find exciting, I recognize that many readers may not find this as a viable option whether that be from student debt repayment, familial pressure, or any other limiting factor. So, start early, so you can obtain a great job in whatever field you want to be in. Explore who YOU want to be. 

  1. Have fun. 

I know this may seem like a no-brainer, but I find that oftentimes people ages 18-22 years old are bred to constantly be concerned about money, meeting deadlines, or always improving to be one step ahead of our peers. Yet, we have our entire lives to worry about those things. What matters when we are young is obtaining countless memories that we can look back on fondly. In 20 years, you will not remember that night you stayed in to study. But you will remember the night you and your best friend walked through the Taco Bell drive-thru just to not be served. You will remember that spontaneous trip you took with your friends despite spending more money than you would have liked. It is these moments that bring joy into our lives. Do not pass them by.

Those are just a few of the many tips I would give to my younger self if I could. Some of these may seem synonymous to the testament of finite time; that is, cliche and overused. However, after four years of college, these are the major things I learned. I hope to carry these to whatever chapter lays ahead of me, and I hope that you can take some of these with you as you continue writing your own story.

My Battle with Depression

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Wherever you look or scroll, there is an advertisement, quote, or magic pill to cure depression. Not to mention the virtue signaling friends, manipulative practices of pharmaceutical companies, and books pushing from self proclaimed self-help gurus. What I hope to convey to you, or even persuade you of is that perhaps your path to a better sense of being doesn’t begin in a book, a conversation, or a pill. That there may be some alternative hypothesis to your condition. These will not be as flattering as the ads you see and the language of the books you might read. That is primarily because I don’t benefit by tricking you. So here’s my truth.

Regarding my current battle with depression, or melancholy as it was during Abraham Lincoln’s time (my personal favorite term), I am currently winning. But it was not always this way, I have been down and desperate to put some points on the scoreboard before. As we all have been at one point. The reason I felt it was important to write on this was in no small part thanks to the valid growing concern and the subsequently ill-placed sentiment directed at young men and women struggling with depression and contemplating suicide. These are all valuable depression-root-cause-analyses that I overlooked all those years ago when I found myself hopeless, bawling in therapy over how hard life is. I never considered these things because a brain doesn’t work properly when you are depressed and everyone is too spineless to actually make any of these points to a sick person. I am not like all of you, but maybe you’re like me and tough love wakes you up. If that is the case, then continue on. These are 5 things I wish more people had the audacity to tell me when I was diagnosed with depression:

I wish more people told me that…

  • I am the problem
  • I am dealing with major changes and reacting normally
  • I am living an inhuman lifestyle
  • I am a lazy sympathy-fisherman
  • I am lost

Alternative Hypothesis Number #1: I am the problem.

It is not society. It is not my ex. It is not my dysfunctional family. It’s not the person that wronged me a year ago. It is not my race. It is not any of my series of useless identities that I have crafted to avoid personal responsibility. The cause of my suffering are the choices I made. My life is the fruits of the seeds I planted yesterday and tomorrow will bear the fruits of the seeds I plant today. Instead of being a cynical, drain on everyone’s happiness, I may try growing up and getting my life in order and seeing what that does for my mood. 

Alternative Hypothesis Number #2: I am dealing with major changes and reacting normally.

What if my life is actually really f#%ing hard right now and it has been for a while? What if I am reacting normally to the situation at hand and there is nothing inherently wrong with my neural makeup, genetics, or hormones and I am just going through a rough time? Regardless of the choices I made yesterday, it could all be temporary stress because of problems I am avoiding. Maybe I should put out some fires instead of finding ways to avoid feeling the heat. Who promised you life was easy? Maybe that person is the first fire to put out. 

Alternative Hypothesis Number #3: I am living an inhuman lifestyle.

I sit on my phone, play video games, study inefficiently and I am trying to pass it off as natural even though I don’t know anything about what “natural” means or a damn thing about human biology. Crazy how my brain gets stressed out after seeing eight thousand and fifty seven memes per minute while procrastinating calling my mom back. I must have a real problem on my hands since my brain can’t accurately calculate the sociopathic 3D chess strategy that I am attempting daily on dating apps and snapchat. I just need to get my diet, exercise and mindset clear of toxicity and focus on being a solid human before I can begin thinking about the future. 

Alternative Hypothesis Number #4: I am a lazy sympathy fisherman.

I love those texts and DMs asking if I am okay. Oh it just lights me up, doesn’t it? The attention I can’t receive because I am too lazy to actually add value to anyone else’s life, so I suck what emotional capital they have laying around for myself like a big dumb hippo. I am addicted to being sad because it provides me passive emotional income. I do zero work and sit back and watch my friends attempt to establish connection with me that I don’t even want. I just want the attention. I live for the short dopamine bursts instead of the positive feedback loop I could create with meaningful human interaction.

Alternative Hypothesis Number #5: I am lost.

What if I am just ignorant of so many variables that everything that happens feels like stress? Can I honestly tell myself I cannot read more, work harder or exercise more? Would I bet you $1M that I have been giving it all I have? Further, do I think even if I were at my personal best, that there is nothing more I could learn? If I am suffering and I also apparently know everything, can I not see how dumb that would be? I would rather buy into old Russian fatalist cliches than to consider that there is something I don’t know that is keeping me from being happy? Give me a break, Fyodor. All I need is to establish direction and focus to be in a better place physically and feel better too. 

In hindsight, I realize that there were plenty of people telling me these sorts of things all along. It’s just that I wasn’t listening.