Kykeon Coaching

Lighting the Way For Young Leaders of Today!

Menu

Self-Care

Doing What You Love is Overrated

by

“I could never work a typical 9-5”

“Ew, you’re basically a corporate zombie.”

“If you do what you love, you never have to work a day in your life.”

It seems that in recent years, there is a large shift of distaste towards traditional occupations. We are berated with this notion that the not-so-glamorous 9-5 jobs should not be your goal. They should be avoided at all costs. If you scroll across TikTok or Instagram, we are flooded with instances of creators who are becoming financially independent by doing what they love, and, in turn, we too feel as if we must follow the herd in doing the same.

And this is nice, right? That our generation has the luxury to support dreams and aspirations that vary so widely from traditional methods of income generation. 

I enjoy this concept of doing what you love. I believe that doing what you love provides feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction. It gives us purpose.

It makes us feel alive. 

But, I would like to provide a little pushback to this notion of undertaking what you love as an occupation. In Emma Chamberlain’s hit podcast Anything Goes, she discusses this very topic in an episode titled “the truth about being self employed.”

Her point is essentially this:

When what you love is also the means by which you make a living, you play a dangerous game. You see, what you love slowly transforms into a responsibility. No longer are you able to enjoy the thing that gives you pleasure; but rather, you are forced to do it because otherwise you would not be able to survive. Those very passions become obligations.

Even further (specifically for those who are looking for a self-employed life), you can never truly “log off.” You are plagued by the constant anxiety of doing something or bettering your craft in some way. Therefore, there really is no work-life separation. You are in a perpetual state of working all the time, where the lines blur between your personal and professional life. 

Therefore, while it may seem attractive to dictate your own success, you feel burdened by the fact that only you can dictate the amount of success/failure. You become the cause and the blame. This can be detrimental to your mental health. 

And here’s my stance on traditional jobs.

Yes, doing something you hate for 40 hours a week while you grow old will most definitely make a sane man mad. But, doing something you can tolerate, now that is a different story. 

Because here’s the thing.

While working a job you can tolerate, you are able to accomplish so much. For one, you are given a schedule and are able to integrate that into your daily routine; freeing yourself from the worry of constantly planning each day, week, or month. This will also free up mental capacity to worry about the more important things in life. 

Then, many traditional jobs provide a consistent stream of income that gives you the financial freedom to explore your passions, travel, or enjoy life. There is an unnecessary romanticization of the struggling artist. Why struggle? Why not pursue your passions in a sustainable manner? Again, this steadiness will relieve you from unnecessary stress of worrying about making payments.

Therefore, while mundanity can grow tiresome it can also be a necessary stepping stone to living a happy and fulfilling life. 

I would like to clarify that I don’t believe that no one should ever make a career out of their passions. I believe that it is amazing if you are able to, but it is an unnecessary expectation for everyone. Don’t feel pressured to pursue a career in something you love. That is too much stress. We feel as if we aren’t doing life right if we are working a traditional job when that is not the case.  So, if you take anything away from this article, take this:

It is okay to be working a traditional job. Whatever fits your goals, lifestyle, journey, etc. No one can tell you what will be the best option for you. 

The Importance of Moving Away After College

by

When I encounter someone in their thirties and discuss the conclusion of my college career, many times I am given the unsolicited advice of:

“Move away after college.”

While this has always been my plan (a symptom of the urge for new experiences), I never quite understood the importance of moving away after college. Now, I am one month from doing so–at the brink of a new chapter–staring at stacks of packed boxes piling my room. Finally, I feel like I understand (although I will never really know until possibly years from this current moment).

But here’s my thoughts.

Most of us are aware that we hold the power to change our lives at any given moment. We can quit our job. We can tell those toxic people in our lives to screw off. We can change the way we look or pick up a new hobby.

Yet, many of us don’t do this. I coach many young individuals who are still stuck in a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction; motivated by the disconnect between their ideal and current self. And when prompted about why, the reply always seems to follow the lines of

“I can’t.”

Which we have established is a false statement, at least from a realistic point of view. But the argument isn’t about realism, it is about practicality. Many young individuals do not have a strong sense of self, and social media has only perpetuated this issue. However, I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing. It is a natural thing.

A 21-22 year old student cannot be expected to have this strong sense of self. They have lived their whole lives being told who they should be or what they should be. They have spent the majority of their life up until this point being simply lectured at. Therefore, we begin to look externally for validation and a sense of belonging. As a byproduct of this, many of our perceptions of ourselves are shaped by those around us. We are confined by the limits of our inner and outer circles–by our social perception. It’s not practical to go against this.

Thus, it’s hard to flip a switch and become a new person. Because our close friends (and subsequently ourselves) only know of us to be a certain way.

This is why the next chapter of moving away is so important. 

By doing so, we are relieved from the shackles of our past selves. We are granted the opportunity to reinvent ourselves. We are then allowed to fail in this process. We are free from judgment from those whose opinions we care most about. You see, we are forced in a place of uncomfortability. No longer can we hide behind the tranquility that our close knit group of friends provides for us.

And even more so, change breeds adaptability. Adaptability fosters growth. Old environments of comfortability do not breed change. That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, but it simply means there is an extra barrier standing in the way during a moment where the least amount of resistance is ideal.

Finally, moving away allows us to gain new experiences and meet new people. In our short time as a young individual, I believe it is tremendously important to have these types of experiences before settling down. Because we all want stability in the end. But the worst kind of stability is one where you look back and wish you hadn’t settled for it so soon.

I say this all before having done it. Perhaps I am wrong about these ideas. But regardless, the testament of moving has already begun this process for me.

Overcoming Decision Paralysis

by

Ripple effect (noun): the continuing and spreading results of an event or action

The scale of the effects of our decision-making can lead to the inability to find comfort in choosing a singular option; thus, leading to decision paralysis. We are usually passively aware of this phenomenon of the ripple effect. Where each decision has the ability to alter the entire course of our life. If we had chosen a different group of friends, we would be entirely different individuals with different sets of beliefs, motivations, and ideologies. If we had chosen a different college to attend, our experiences and opportunities would vary widely from our current experience. 

However, despite this sentiment holding true in many decisions we face, it is not often that the decision, and its accompanying magnitude, is spelled out right before our eyes. It is within the conclusion of milestone moments (such as graduations) that truly emphasize the importance of our choices–and making the right one. As a newfound college grad and upcoming JD candidate, I am faced with a decision on a choosing school, where to live, and who I want to be. 

As I turn the page into the next chapter of my life, I am faced with decisions. What school should I attend, and, subsequently, which region do I want to live in after graduation? Who do I want to be when I move away, capable of redefining my personal relationships? Where do I see as a place that will foster growth and be conducive to my goals? Where will I find happiness? What are the kinds of people I will meet? Will they like me?


Who…?

What…?

Where…?

These questions spiral my sanity out of control until my confidence and excitement for what’s to come is evaporated, leaving anxiety in its place. 

I’d like to believe that my self-awareness has allowed me to deduce this much:

It is less about the fact that all options seem attractive to me, but more about the fact there are options.

It is the fear that I will choose the wrong option and be doomed to a life of misfortune and missed opportunity. Therefore, my brain enjoys the torture of conjuring up various situations that can justify choosing each option over any of the others.

This has undoubtedly caused for countless sleepless nights. Until one day, I stumbled across a quote that read:

“You didn’t make the wrong decision. You didn’t make the right decision. You made a decision. Now live with it.”

This resonated deeply with me. It was right. Could I justify any number of reasons to pursue a single option over the others? Yes. But what makes an option the objective “right decision”? Because the right decision wasn’t about the school nor was it about the place I would be living. It surely wasn’t about which was more conducive to my goals because they all ‘could’ be. So, what was it? I’d like to think it was the one that would allow me the most amount of happiness in the end.

And my happiness wasn’t confined to a single decision. It would never be. It was about whatever I made of my decision–the action and mindset that follows. 

If I were to wallow at my decision and constantly wish I had picked the other option, then, yes, I would have made the wrong decision. Our self-confirmation bias would lead me to notice all the reasons why I shouldn’t have chose my current decision. I would be doomed to a lifetime of regret.

But if I were to embrace my decision with open arms, view it as a blessing, and capitalize on the opportunity, then it would be considered the right decision. It doesn’t matter about the potential for subjectively better outcomes had I chose a different decision. Because those paths no longer exist.

What exists is the life laid out before me. My decision will lead to me to many crossroads, many road-less-traveled-by’s. I would be doing myself a disservice to dwell on a decision of the past, limiting my decision-making in the future.

Maybe you are facing a similar situation as I–torn between the idea of two (or more) decisions. Then I hope you can take as much as I have away from this quote. The objective nature of a decision will not determine if the decision is the best thing for you or not. It is your reaction and/or subsequent actions to the decision. 

A right decision does not exist. You determine what is the best decision.

My Thoughts on Perfectionism and Listening to Your Body

by

I’m a chronic overachiever. A perfectionist. I pride myself in my ability to give 110% in ~most~ of the things I do (even if self-prescribed). When asked about my strengths, I oftentimes find myself pointing out this idea in perfectionism that I will work harder than those around me which ripples itself in a variety of ways throughout my daily life. 

When asked about my hobbies, I look to weightlifting–a hobby that I perform 6 days a week. One that I feel guilty about when I don’t participate in it. Professionally, I could not begin to count the amount of times I have sacrificed sleep in order to get more tasks done or acquire knowledge that I may regurgitate onto an exam the next day. Many times, I view leisure activities as a ‘waste of time’ as one could argue that the hours could be better spent on refining my skills to seem more attractive to future employers. 

Perhaps you find yourself in this thought loop where your brain justifies these thought patterns because you view it as competitive. But, here’s the thing that you, and I, need to hear the most: 

IT IS UNHEALTHY.

No matter the amount of evidence that could be used as an argument towards the approach of life in this way; it will not change the fact that this thought process is toxic and sows the seeds of unhappiness early in our lives. Within recent months, I have decided to take on a new ideology motion through the demands and responsibilities of mortal life and that is:

To listen to my body. 

I apply this concept broadly within my life. When approaching physical activity, it doesn’t mean I am constantly skipping days in the gym if I don’t feel like going because this would be counterintuitive to my goals.

I want to be healthy. I want to be fit. But that should not come at the cost of needless stress placed on myself to hit certain benchmarks. This simply means I become more in-tune with the way my body feels before, during, and after my workouts. 

I focus less on the number on the scale or the amount of weight on each side of the barbell. I simply monitor my mind to muscle connection. If my chest is sore or fatigued on my scheduled “push-day” workout, I will substitute variations of a pull-focused workout within my regiment. If I don’t feel particularly strong one day, I will lower the weight and focus on the eccentric movements within each repetition.

I don’t simply brute force myself through a workout because I feel like I need to. I listen to what my body tells me. This has not only allowed me to feel more confident in myself but has allowed me to find more joy in my workout routine. 

This principle applies in my work as well. If I am tired, instead of hyping myself up on caffeine to stay up an extra 3-5 hours, I take this as a sign that I should go to bed early, get a good night’s rest, and have an early start the next day. If I don’t feel particularly attuned to my studies, it may be a sign that I need to take a break. I’ll carve out time to organize my space, watch an episode of my favorite Netflix show, or simply take a 15-minute nap.

Holding yourself to such a high standard with no room for faults will ultimately result in burn-out. I view my social time as a needed break from my studies and an opportunity to create lifelong bonds with my roommates. 

This realization and subsequent action arose from recognizing that your most valuable asset is yourself. You wouldn’t push your car to run 100,000 miles past its need for an oil change. This will result in a variety of issues that require way more money and time than if you had simply taken the time to get an oil change when the issue arose. I view my body in a similar manner. We are human. We need maintenance, and we need to listen to our inner workings to ensure that we can continue operating at a high capacity. 

But, even aside from this fact

of high performance, our life is meant to be enjoyed. Compounding stress will only leave you less present in the moment. By becoming more attentive to your needs on an instance basis, you will be able to act reactively rather than constantly proactively. 

And maybe that’s the true essence of it all. To recognize that life is unpredictable. We can plan all we want–outlining each specific action that will increase the probability of a future outcome. But where is the beauty in that? I now like to think that I live each day more enveloped within my activities and with a healthier mindset than before. I listen to my body and my body thanks me for that.   

My Battle with Depression

by

Wherever you look or scroll, there is an advertisement, quote, or magic pill to cure depression. Not to mention the virtue signaling friends, manipulative practices of pharmaceutical companies, and books pushing from self proclaimed self-help gurus. What I hope to convey to you, or even persuade you of is that perhaps your path to a better sense of being doesn’t begin in a book, a conversation, or a pill. That there may be some alternative hypothesis to your condition. These will not be as flattering as the ads you see and the language of the books you might read. That is primarily because I don’t benefit by tricking you. So here’s my truth.

Regarding my current battle with depression, or melancholy as it was during Abraham Lincoln’s time (my personal favorite term), I am currently winning. But it was not always this way, I have been down and desperate to put some points on the scoreboard before. As we all have been at one point. The reason I felt it was important to write on this was in no small part thanks to the valid growing concern and the subsequently ill-placed sentiment directed at young men and women struggling with depression and contemplating suicide. These are all valuable depression-root-cause-analyses that I overlooked all those years ago when I found myself hopeless, bawling in therapy over how hard life is. I never considered these things because a brain doesn’t work properly when you are depressed and everyone is too spineless to actually make any of these points to a sick person. I am not like all of you, but maybe you’re like me and tough love wakes you up. If that is the case, then continue on. These are 5 things I wish more people had the audacity to tell me when I was diagnosed with depression:

I wish more people told me that…

  • I am the problem
  • I am dealing with major changes and reacting normally
  • I am living an inhuman lifestyle
  • I am a lazy sympathy-fisherman
  • I am lost

Alternative Hypothesis Number #1: I am the problem.

It is not society. It is not my ex. It is not my dysfunctional family. It’s not the person that wronged me a year ago. It is not my race. It is not any of my series of useless identities that I have crafted to avoid personal responsibility. The cause of my suffering are the choices I made. My life is the fruits of the seeds I planted yesterday and tomorrow will bear the fruits of the seeds I plant today. Instead of being a cynical, drain on everyone’s happiness, I may try growing up and getting my life in order and seeing what that does for my mood. 

Alternative Hypothesis Number #2: I am dealing with major changes and reacting normally.

What if my life is actually really f#%ing hard right now and it has been for a while? What if I am reacting normally to the situation at hand and there is nothing inherently wrong with my neural makeup, genetics, or hormones and I am just going through a rough time? Regardless of the choices I made yesterday, it could all be temporary stress because of problems I am avoiding. Maybe I should put out some fires instead of finding ways to avoid feeling the heat. Who promised you life was easy? Maybe that person is the first fire to put out. 

Alternative Hypothesis Number #3: I am living an inhuman lifestyle.

I sit on my phone, play video games, study inefficiently and I am trying to pass it off as natural even though I don’t know anything about what “natural” means or a damn thing about human biology. Crazy how my brain gets stressed out after seeing eight thousand and fifty seven memes per minute while procrastinating calling my mom back. I must have a real problem on my hands since my brain can’t accurately calculate the sociopathic 3D chess strategy that I am attempting daily on dating apps and snapchat. I just need to get my diet, exercise and mindset clear of toxicity and focus on being a solid human before I can begin thinking about the future. 

Alternative Hypothesis Number #4: I am a lazy sympathy fisherman.

I love those texts and DMs asking if I am okay. Oh it just lights me up, doesn’t it? The attention I can’t receive because I am too lazy to actually add value to anyone else’s life, so I suck what emotional capital they have laying around for myself like a big dumb hippo. I am addicted to being sad because it provides me passive emotional income. I do zero work and sit back and watch my friends attempt to establish connection with me that I don’t even want. I just want the attention. I live for the short dopamine bursts instead of the positive feedback loop I could create with meaningful human interaction.

Alternative Hypothesis Number #5: I am lost.

What if I am just ignorant of so many variables that everything that happens feels like stress? Can I honestly tell myself I cannot read more, work harder or exercise more? Would I bet you $1M that I have been giving it all I have? Further, do I think even if I were at my personal best, that there is nothing more I could learn? If I am suffering and I also apparently know everything, can I not see how dumb that would be? I would rather buy into old Russian fatalist cliches than to consider that there is something I don’t know that is keeping me from being happy? Give me a break, Fyodor. All I need is to establish direction and focus to be in a better place physically and feel better too. 

In hindsight, I realize that there were plenty of people telling me these sorts of things all along. It’s just that I wasn’t listening. 

The Secret to Getting Better Sleep

by

We all want the secret to getting better sleep, waking up and feel energized so that we are able to take the day on full force. Oftentimes though, we find ourselves hitting the snooze button over and over again, wishing that those few extra minutes would somehow make us feel the energy we are looking for. No matter the amount of times we hit snooze, we still aren’t waking up feeling rejuvenated and full of energy. Today I am going to tell you about the secret tip that is proven to help you improve your sleep.

You didn’t guess it… the secret is sunlight

What? That is usually the reaction I get when I work with people on improving their sleep and I mention sunlight. I am not telling you to sleep in sunlight, to buy artificial lights that mimic sunlight, or to get a certain amount of Vitamin D to improve your sleep. I am going to explain how to use sunlight to scientifically tap in to your circadian rhythm to promote higher quality sleep.

Our circadian rhythm can be defined as “a natural, internal process that regulates the sleep-wake cycle and repeats roughly every 24 hours.” It is our internal clock! Our internal clock is naturally set by a combination of things: when we eat, when we exercise, when we went to sleep and woke up the day before. But more than anything, sunlight impacts our circadian rhythm. 

How we can leverage sunlight to improve our sleep

The short version: within 30 minutes of waking up, go outside to get some sunlight (do not ever look directly at the sun, it can permanently damage your eyes. Simply being outside in sunlight is enough) on hitting your eyes. If you are able to, get some exposure to sunlight as the sun is setting as well.

The longer version: 

Exposing ourselves to sunlight within the first 30 minutes of waking up for 2-3 minutes helps to set our circadian rhythm. This is as simple as walking outside for a couple of minutes or sitting on your front porch while you drink your morning coffee. This sunlight triggers our brain to let it know that it is the morning and we are getting started for the day. It is also beneficial to see sunlight as the sun is setting, as different wavelengths of sunlight are admitted which trigger our brain to let us know that it is time to start winding down for the day. If you are looking for this to be explained in depth scientifically, check out this podcast by Andrew Huberman where he explains this in great detail.

This has been scientifically proven to help improve the quality of your sleep in just two days. This will help for you to fall asleep easier and to go to bed earlier if that is your goal. There are all kinds of medicines, supplements, tips and tricks, and routines that are utilized to help you wake up feeling refreshed. Why not start with what is natural and biological to us? Sunlight!

Some important details

  • Please do not stare at the sun or even look directly at the sun, this can cause permanent damage to your eyes. You get more than enough sunlight (measured in Lux) from simply being outside. 
  • Sunlight produces around 10,000 Lux depending on where you are on the planet. If you have the windows up in your car while you are driving, you may be hit with 1,000 Lux. “So if I need 2-3 minutes at 10,000 Lux, I can just do 20-30 minutes of sunlight at 1,000 Lux?”. Not exactly. For you to get the amount of sunlight necessary to set your circadian rhythm while you are behind a window, it will take 50-60 times longer than it would by just going outside to direct sunlight.
  • Standing in your living room, you will only be receiving 50 Lux of light. A mere fraction of what the sun produces!