Kykeon Coaching

Lighting the Way For Young Leaders of Today!

Menu

life after college

Doing What You Love is Overrated

by

“I could never work a typical 9-5”

“Ew, you’re basically a corporate zombie.”

“If you do what you love, you never have to work a day in your life.”

It seems that in recent years, there is a large shift of distaste towards traditional occupations. We are berated with this notion that the not-so-glamorous 9-5 jobs should not be your goal. They should be avoided at all costs. If you scroll across TikTok or Instagram, we are flooded with instances of creators who are becoming financially independent by doing what they love, and, in turn, we too feel as if we must follow the herd in doing the same.

And this is nice, right? That our generation has the luxury to support dreams and aspirations that vary so widely from traditional methods of income generation. 

I enjoy this concept of doing what you love. I believe that doing what you love provides feelings of fulfillment and satisfaction. It gives us purpose.

It makes us feel alive. 

But, I would like to provide a little pushback to this notion of undertaking what you love as an occupation. In Emma Chamberlain’s hit podcast Anything Goes, she discusses this very topic in an episode titled “the truth about being self employed.”

Her point is essentially this:

When what you love is also the means by which you make a living, you play a dangerous game. You see, what you love slowly transforms into a responsibility. No longer are you able to enjoy the thing that gives you pleasure; but rather, you are forced to do it because otherwise you would not be able to survive. Those very passions become obligations.

Even further (specifically for those who are looking for a self-employed life), you can never truly “log off.” You are plagued by the constant anxiety of doing something or bettering your craft in some way. Therefore, there really is no work-life separation. You are in a perpetual state of working all the time, where the lines blur between your personal and professional life. 

Therefore, while it may seem attractive to dictate your own success, you feel burdened by the fact that only you can dictate the amount of success/failure. You become the cause and the blame. This can be detrimental to your mental health. 

And here’s my stance on traditional jobs.

Yes, doing something you hate for 40 hours a week while you grow old will most definitely make a sane man mad. But, doing something you can tolerate, now that is a different story. 

Because here’s the thing.

While working a job you can tolerate, you are able to accomplish so much. For one, you are given a schedule and are able to integrate that into your daily routine; freeing yourself from the worry of constantly planning each day, week, or month. This will also free up mental capacity to worry about the more important things in life. 

Then, many traditional jobs provide a consistent stream of income that gives you the financial freedom to explore your passions, travel, or enjoy life. There is an unnecessary romanticization of the struggling artist. Why struggle? Why not pursue your passions in a sustainable manner? Again, this steadiness will relieve you from unnecessary stress of worrying about making payments.

Therefore, while mundanity can grow tiresome it can also be a necessary stepping stone to living a happy and fulfilling life. 

I would like to clarify that I don’t believe that no one should ever make a career out of their passions. I believe that it is amazing if you are able to, but it is an unnecessary expectation for everyone. Don’t feel pressured to pursue a career in something you love. That is too much stress. We feel as if we aren’t doing life right if we are working a traditional job when that is not the case.  So, if you take anything away from this article, take this:

It is okay to be working a traditional job. Whatever fits your goals, lifestyle, journey, etc. No one can tell you what will be the best option for you. 

The Importance of Moving Away After College

by

When I encounter someone in their thirties and discuss the conclusion of my college career, many times I am given the unsolicited advice of:

“Move away after college.”

While this has always been my plan (a symptom of the urge for new experiences), I never quite understood the importance of moving away after college. Now, I am one month from doing so–at the brink of a new chapter–staring at stacks of packed boxes piling my room. Finally, I feel like I understand (although I will never really know until possibly years from this current moment).

But here’s my thoughts.

Most of us are aware that we hold the power to change our lives at any given moment. We can quit our job. We can tell those toxic people in our lives to screw off. We can change the way we look or pick up a new hobby.

Yet, many of us don’t do this. I coach many young individuals who are still stuck in a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction; motivated by the disconnect between their ideal and current self. And when prompted about why, the reply always seems to follow the lines of

“I can’t.”

Which we have established is a false statement, at least from a realistic point of view. But the argument isn’t about realism, it is about practicality. Many young individuals do not have a strong sense of self, and social media has only perpetuated this issue. However, I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing. It is a natural thing.

A 21-22 year old student cannot be expected to have this strong sense of self. They have lived their whole lives being told who they should be or what they should be. They have spent the majority of their life up until this point being simply lectured at. Therefore, we begin to look externally for validation and a sense of belonging. As a byproduct of this, many of our perceptions of ourselves are shaped by those around us. We are confined by the limits of our inner and outer circles–by our social perception. It’s not practical to go against this.

Thus, it’s hard to flip a switch and become a new person. Because our close friends (and subsequently ourselves) only know of us to be a certain way.

This is why the next chapter of moving away is so important. 

By doing so, we are relieved from the shackles of our past selves. We are granted the opportunity to reinvent ourselves. We are then allowed to fail in this process. We are free from judgment from those whose opinions we care most about. You see, we are forced in a place of uncomfortability. No longer can we hide behind the tranquility that our close knit group of friends provides for us.

And even more so, change breeds adaptability. Adaptability fosters growth. Old environments of comfortability do not breed change. That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible, but it simply means there is an extra barrier standing in the way during a moment where the least amount of resistance is ideal.

Finally, moving away allows us to gain new experiences and meet new people. In our short time as a young individual, I believe it is tremendously important to have these types of experiences before settling down. Because we all want stability in the end. But the worst kind of stability is one where you look back and wish you hadn’t settled for it so soon.

I say this all before having done it. Perhaps I am wrong about these ideas. But regardless, the testament of moving has already begun this process for me.

Overcoming Decision Paralysis

by

Ripple effect (noun): the continuing and spreading results of an event or action

The scale of the effects of our decision-making can lead to the inability to find comfort in choosing a singular option; thus, leading to decision paralysis. We are usually passively aware of this phenomenon of the ripple effect. Where each decision has the ability to alter the entire course of our life. If we had chosen a different group of friends, we would be entirely different individuals with different sets of beliefs, motivations, and ideologies. If we had chosen a different college to attend, our experiences and opportunities would vary widely from our current experience. 

However, despite this sentiment holding true in many decisions we face, it is not often that the decision, and its accompanying magnitude, is spelled out right before our eyes. It is within the conclusion of milestone moments (such as graduations) that truly emphasize the importance of our choices–and making the right one. As a newfound college grad and upcoming JD candidate, I am faced with a decision on a choosing school, where to live, and who I want to be. 

As I turn the page into the next chapter of my life, I am faced with decisions. What school should I attend, and, subsequently, which region do I want to live in after graduation? Who do I want to be when I move away, capable of redefining my personal relationships? Where do I see as a place that will foster growth and be conducive to my goals? Where will I find happiness? What are the kinds of people I will meet? Will they like me?


Who…?

What…?

Where…?

These questions spiral my sanity out of control until my confidence and excitement for what’s to come is evaporated, leaving anxiety in its place. 

I’d like to believe that my self-awareness has allowed me to deduce this much:

It is less about the fact that all options seem attractive to me, but more about the fact there are options.

It is the fear that I will choose the wrong option and be doomed to a life of misfortune and missed opportunity. Therefore, my brain enjoys the torture of conjuring up various situations that can justify choosing each option over any of the others.

This has undoubtedly caused for countless sleepless nights. Until one day, I stumbled across a quote that read:

“You didn’t make the wrong decision. You didn’t make the right decision. You made a decision. Now live with it.”

This resonated deeply with me. It was right. Could I justify any number of reasons to pursue a single option over the others? Yes. But what makes an option the objective “right decision”? Because the right decision wasn’t about the school nor was it about the place I would be living. It surely wasn’t about which was more conducive to my goals because they all ‘could’ be. So, what was it? I’d like to think it was the one that would allow me the most amount of happiness in the end.

And my happiness wasn’t confined to a single decision. It would never be. It was about whatever I made of my decision–the action and mindset that follows. 

If I were to wallow at my decision and constantly wish I had picked the other option, then, yes, I would have made the wrong decision. Our self-confirmation bias would lead me to notice all the reasons why I shouldn’t have chose my current decision. I would be doomed to a lifetime of regret.

But if I were to embrace my decision with open arms, view it as a blessing, and capitalize on the opportunity, then it would be considered the right decision. It doesn’t matter about the potential for subjectively better outcomes had I chose a different decision. Because those paths no longer exist.

What exists is the life laid out before me. My decision will lead to me to many crossroads, many road-less-traveled-by’s. I would be doing myself a disservice to dwell on a decision of the past, limiting my decision-making in the future.

Maybe you are facing a similar situation as I–torn between the idea of two (or more) decisions. Then I hope you can take as much as I have away from this quote. The objective nature of a decision will not determine if the decision is the best thing for you or not. It is your reaction and/or subsequent actions to the decision. 

A right decision does not exist. You determine what is the best decision.