I will admit when I initially began writing this blog, I didn’t have the foresight then to see how passionate I would become in the exploration and expansion of ideas. All I ask is for anyone reading, to please indulge me and even combat me on this point of view. For much like anything, this is just one way of looking at it.
I want to introduce a goofy thought experiment to start us out:
How much more likely are we to drive recklessly on GTA on Xbox or PS4 than in real life or act in any video games for that matter? How many risks do you take when it is just a game?
Well, for the guy that almost hit me on the interstate yesterday, the line seems somewhat blurred. But the majority of us? We drive safely for the most part. Seatbelt on, checking mirrors, staying within a reasonable deviation of the speed limit. Why? Because we have something to lose. We could get pulled over, we could wreck, we have lives planned ahead, unsettled financials, and loving relationships at stake when we start our engines.
What if we feel like we don’t have anything to lose though?
Activity without depth. Serving a position with no intention of real service. Being your own puppeteer so that others can’t judge the real you. Directing surrogates of ourselves to compete, totally invulnerable, against the more stressful perils of life… Stay with me on this.
How do we do this?
I have some examples: Twitter personality, the instagram aesthetic, “drunk-me”, “sad-me”… All ranging from mostly to entirely– fake. They appear to be ideas we craft for other people, as to deny them valid judgement. Keep ourselves safe. One step of separation from who we really are, what we say, or what we’ve done. Roles we step into, masks worn to avoid the emotional vulnerability of honest evaluation from our peers and ourselves. Many of us are skilled playwrights and we don’t even know it. And this persistent dissonance drives much of the way we feel about ourselves and interact with others, the world, and is determinate of future performance.
And one way in which a person can cope with these contradictions is by editing their self schema to fit. We may renew our identities by attempting to believe the stories we tell through these fradulent lenses. And I ask, is it worth it to compromise our existence like this? To neutralize all that we have been given in our lives that make us unique? Our idea of our self is important and this autonomy is foundational to our happiness and motivation to flourish as individuals.
However, whilst we strive for an invulnerable, detached self that we can fearlessly present to the world, we simultaneously strip away the fulfillment and attachment we feel from accomplishment. Our competence to thrive is immediately hindered by our inability to be authentic. That convincing illusion of belongingness we may mirror to the external world is quickly shattered by the walls we build inside ourselves. When the dishonest version we project into the world “accomplishes” things, we are at a loss for the personal and social rewards that typically follow, and thus our efforts prove to be no accomplishment at all.
Certainly we all see that happiness can’t prevail if we are hiding it behind a wall we have built. A wall that only serves to blind others to those existing vulnerabilities. Our strongest relationships are built on these experiences and shared empathy, sympathy, and compassion. Our greatest fulfillment is found in the accomplishment in spite of these flaws and unique obstacles. Respect originates in our observation of others doing the same. Inspiration and then courage follows the proceeding notion that, we too, can overcome our fears and insecurities.
To these points of view I have shared, you may agree, you may even regretfully relate, but I want to bring awareness to a plaguing social illness I feel lies among my generation because the solution is simple. Perhaps the most fixable problem anyone has ever brought attention to despite its difficult nature and intricacy that seems unsurpassable at a first glance.
Simply put: We need each other.
As Marcus Aurelius would famously say, whilst wrestling with life’s meaning serving as the general of the Roman Army, “All of us were born for one another”. We have the ability to be self sufficient, independent, even secluded from others and still be industrious. To be successful by many respected metrics in society. But despite our opportunities and abilities, he discovered maybe our greatest purpose, not mere ability, is to live amongst one another. Being there. Being there as a servant leader for all of the people in our lives. Being there spreading love, camaraderie, virtue– to any willing to receive it.
To finish, I want to reflect for a moment. I remember a time in my life when we used to crave human interaction and social settings in their raw form. Before social media, before the rise of impersonal communication like DMs and texts. Just humans being with one another and talking and sharing a present moment. Witnessing a sporting event, going to the movies, hanging at the park, going for a swim, just watching TV and having a conversation to escape in the slightest from the constant stream of anxiety and fast paced nature of our lives. A time where love was more fully felt, lies were effortlessly detected, and companionship was beautifully built. And I see today, in this 21st century of infinite connection, how many of us struggle to find someone to connect with. How we manage to be lonely among a group of peers. Chasing our dreams alone.
Not that these aren’t present today, there are all of them and then some. But the difference is back then there wasn’t access to other inferior means of socializing. The myriad of choices as left us paralyzingly lonely.
To this, I say, go out. Hang with the boys. Have a girls night. I know you might be shy, I am too. But what are you afraid of? We all want these same things. To be enough, to be loved, for just one person to believe in our capabilities. So be vulnerable. It is the strongest thing you’ll ever do. Always force the courage to live authentically and honestly. Because you aren’t the only one waiting to get more out of your life. The people around you need that same inspiration. Your family, friends, hell, even your followers. And there is nothing holding you back from being that spark for them first. As James Keller said, “A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle”. Similarly, as Nichiren put it, “If one lights a fire for others, one will brighten one’s own way”.
So be a light, reach out. Besides, they are only a DM or text away.
