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Self Discipline

Simplicity

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Your life probably seems like a big mess especially if you care enough to look. But worrying about things is almost always totally useless. So here is a quick obstacle course to run the old mind through… Like a HIIT workout for your brain (no stretching required). 

5 quick questions to ask yourself:

  1. How is my life going?

Satisfaction is typically our measure for this category. In the areas of your life, how are all those categories working? Rank them 1/10.

2. How many things do I do?

Literally, what roles you have. What you do and a total exhaustive list of the things that you have to do from pure human physical upkeep and labor to hobbies and career goals.

3. Do I need to do all of those things?

Now think about how many of those things are actually necessary to do. Prioritize which ones just take up time and which things add and benefit heavily to your life and purpose. 

4. How far do I fall short of those standards I set for my actions?

There was a standard you needed to meet. Or at least from here on, you will set a standard to meet. Just evaluate and be honest, compassionate, and forgiving if you have not met them. 

5. What do you need to do to improve and progress?

What knowledge or skills can you use? What knowledge or skills can you learn? How can I change my attitude? Again, forgive yourself for your shortcomings and focus on the progress not the past. 

Get a current state, simplify, reevaluate and then do what needs to be done. 

Don’t contemplate it, do it.

What Worked for Me

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There are practical ways to keep this year from being like the last one. I don’t know how your year went in 2019, but I know that it definitely could have been better. Today I will share the top things I recommend to anyone wanting to squeeze a little more out of their days, weeks and months this year. Behavior changes and actions that bolstered my health, happiness, and love in 2019. I plan on setting myself up for more personal records this year, but let me reflect.

Practice Fasting.

Fasting has picked up a lot of weird publicity in the 21st century and most of it is misguided. Fasting is not a fad, it is a strategy that has been implemented in the greatest minds, cultures, and spiritual practices this earth has ever seen. Fasting has been proven in some of our most prestigious universities, scientific industries, and special forces training in the US. From John Hopkins to the SEALs and all the way to Tibet, this stuff works.

I personally used IF (intermittent fasting) for roughly 4 months this year. I found it freeing and I achieved remarkable dietary discipline and an overall physical/ mental/ spiritual consistency. I looked better, thought better, and enjoyed a liberation from stress, anxiety or depressive mood swings (things had once been status quo for my average day). From July through October, I had a standard deviation of 1.2 lbs in body weight from my daily weight journal I kept. To simplify, my weight didn’t change or fluctuate more than a singular pound for 4 months. I gained strength and endurance in my daily workouts, I experienced limited distraction in my classes, and flow states became my, well, just my state. 

Find a fast that works for you. I did the half day essentially because it seemed easier to manage eating an actual meal just one hour out of the day. The discrepancy that I included was starting my day around 8 AM with one cold honeycrisp apple before I began my fast. Additionally, I would carry a large water bottle and I would put some mileage on her throughout a day, averaging at least a gallon before the afternoon hit. To maintain flexibility and a social life without impeding my rhythm on this, I would make sure to workout between 2-5PM and follow with a meal somewhere between 5-9PM. A heavy importance was placed around routine. Apple, work/ school, gym, meal, hang out/ homework, then sleep and repeat. 

To finish, I would like to commend my effort in 2019 of fasting not only food, but social media and other media forms as well. Our mind works better when we give it what it wants– silence. Check out this blog for more “https://www.kykeoncoaching.com/sweet-sweet-solitude/“

Silence breeds solidarity and we NEED that. Certainty and clarity in our thoughts is vital to our success and this calmness and consistency in the mind carries into our physical health and soundness of our spirit. We are what we eat as much as we are how we eat. Same goes for your cognition, what your mind consumes matters too. 

If you want a foot in the door to things like discipline, patience, and solitude. Fasting may be the thing.

Practice Mentorship

This is really a top priority for anyone. Have a mentor. Your competition does, I can assure you that. And if they don’t? Get a step up now, that is no excuse for you to be lazy and mediocre too. Mentorship is key to your development and the realization and actualizing your full potential. As much as we would like to dream up a scenario in which we can simply rise from our own ashes like the mythical phoenix, everyone’s success that we see around us begins and ends with a trusted mentor/ coach/ trainer/ boss. There is really no such thing as a self made man when you get right down to it. 

Mentorship brought me a change of mindset, more money, more opportunity and I would venture to say that I have learned more in 2019 than the bulk of the preceding 20 years. I am more open minded, experienced, hardened, loving, generous, and well read than I have ever been in my life. And it feels like a drop in the bucket towards where I am headed. None of it would have ever seemed possible without my friend, brother, and boss, Greg Pestinger. 

Now, maybe none of what I just said seems actionable. You might work from home, you might think you are “too busy” (which means get a mentor ASAP), or you might be the only person in your whole town. Whatever the excuse is, I can assure you that you aren’t perfect. Take a look in the mirror, take a look at your bank account, take a look inside… there’s work to be done there. Gaps in our knowledge, lapses in our judgement, overdraft charges and debts, unfinished to-do lists, and depression or anxiety that might creep in. (A book can even be your mentor.)

Figure out where you’re falling short and find someone that is better than you to bring it up. 

Also, once you gain the proper footing in your life, it is time to give it all away and begin your career as a teacher. Okay, maybe not, but there is no greater joy than guiding someone through their life skillfully and bringing joy to others. An opportunity I had this year in many different ways. Now not everyone can skillfully mentor, and if you aren’t going to take the time to teach and give back and it’s not really in your tool set, I want to take this opportunity to reassure you that you can still be a living inspiration. Think, what do people think when they hear of me, work with me, see me out, read about me, watch me speak? We all have the opportunity to learn and teach and you should dedicate 2020 to this divine accountability that changes so many lives for the better.

Practice Discomfort.

Anytime you find yourself in cruise control, things feel just right, everything is good and life feels like a warm breeze… wake up Goldilocks, you’re failing. This comfort is deceiving you. The moment we start to accept living comfortably as an ultimate goal is the moment we begin our descent. 

People that are comfortable and unwilling to challenge themselves say dumb shit like “I don’t need to know any more”, “I think I am okay where I’m at”, or the classic “I’m fine”. Comfort helps you pass a class with a C or D, it gets you kind of in shape, kind of fit, kind of happy, into an okay relationship, surrounded by okay people, maybe even an okay job with okay work. Comfort gets you by, but it doesn’t get you what you really want. You know what you really want, you’ve wanted it your whole life I bet. We were told we could be whatever we wanted, live anywhere, do anything. 

And I am not here to say that is a myth or that there aren’t real obstacles to that, the question I am asking you is this: Is it impossible or have you quit? You know the answer phrased many other ways too: Is it your genetics or have you not cooked a good meal in three years? Are you not a “morning person” or are you always hungover and watching netflix till 3AM? Is everyone else wrong except you or are you the issue? Are you “big-boned” or unwilling to put in another set of reps? Are women mean and men are trash or do you have some undealt-with grief or insecurity that you’re projecting from the past?

We get comfortable in our ways, no matter how mediocre they prove to be for us and our goals. Make 2020 a year where you break the insane cycle. 

Fasting, mentorship, and being uncomfortable. Try it out, incorporate it into your current strategy, set more goals… you don’t have to wait until next year to do it. 

To finish, I want to provide a FocalPoint tool from Brian Tracy himself. The Grand SLAM formula. Simplify, Leverage, Accelerate, and Maximize. Simplify, figure out where you need to focus your energy and productivity. Leverage others to help you get there and use their mistakes and their success to learn. Accelerate the strategies that are working. And then Maximize this success and continue to gain momentum everywhere in your life. 

These are just things that worked for me and I carry an inevitable bias towards their practice as a result of my personal success. Find your formula that works for you.

We can help. Check out our landing page for our upcoming event: https://www.kykeoncoaching.com/product/personal-success-achieve-your-dreams/


Sweet, Sweet Solitude

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“The only place one should find solace is within oneself” -Siddhartha Gautama Buddha

I am not a long practicing stoic, nor a perfect solo act out in the world, but if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that the ability to strongly stand alone is the key to a well-lived and well-loved life. There is, by far, no greater fulfillment than the power we find within ourselves through accomplishing our goals. No greater feeling experienced in the human condition than the flow we tap into while engaged, challenged, and motivated by the obstacles we decide to face and overcome. ‘Goals’, in my opinion, are a modern fancy word substitute for ‘living proper’. 

Goals, though. Geez. What a terribly worn out word. ‘Goal-setting’ is the flat squirrel on the road to purpose and I assume, in this analogy, the white dashed lines would be ‘time-management’. Goals are no mystery. “An aim or desired result”, as Webster’s would put it. 

“If you are lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company.”- Jean-Paul Sartre 

Let’s emphasize one thing: We can’t lose sight of the purpose of our goals, they are for us. That vast array of things we want to accomplish, people we want to meet, jobs we wish to have, legacy we hope to set– void of a personal meaning, become mere emptiness. We have to be mindful of what we want. 

However, is withdrawing into yourself selfish? 

Self-improvement is NOT selfish. In a way, you are setting yourself up to help as many people as possible. Refer to the key pillar of life-guarding. It goes something like, “If someone is drowning, make sure that you have a flotation device before jumping in”. Now, why is that important? So you don’t drown too! It would also be nice if you knew how to swim. Point being, can’t help too many people stay above water in this world if you don’t know how to swim. 

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” -C.S. Lewis

Now, it would undercut my message today not to hit on narcissism or a total lack of humility. I think we often view a focus on the self as narcissistic. It is not. Although it can be sometimes. Narcissism would be empty goal achievement, a mere self admiration for checking a box. A purposeless, unintentional and immoral striving for things that do not matter.

Goal achievement, however, is an individual journey that multiplies on itself as we use what we learn to teach others. Starting with the discipline that arises from practicing solitude and self-sufficiency. Oddly enough, the discipline and resulting wisdom that follows can impact the world infinitely outside of ourselves. It is inherently selfless, not selfish. Even if we don’t interact directly with people, we can serve as an example of exemplary effort. A man trying their best. 
So go accomplish your goals, focus on yourself, achieve those things for you and for your reasons and your purposes, and perhaps you may inspire others to find theirs along the way.

Freedom Of Discipline Pt.3 — Fear

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The biggest obstacles to success are those we believe we can’t get over. Rarely are they the most difficult or the most demanding. They are merely the ones we think about. Our challenge is a predominantly internal thing. Stress and fear bounce around inside our heads until we feel hopeless and slowly begin to question our capabilities. So a key practice is to mindfully acknowledge why we are stressed out, where our fears still remain. It is only then that we continue towards a healthy lifestyle, an unhalting pursuit of our goals.

Today though, I don’t want to talk about the fluffy clouds of dreams and goal-setting. No, perhaps we shift focus from the ideal and into the real for a moment. Reality is that we will fail a lot more than we will succeed. But the failure, as you know, lies after the fact. True failure is giving up or not learning from past mistakes. Success lies in being vigilant not to overstay your welcome in some insane rabbit hole or depression.

So today we will focus on failure, discouragement, apathy, and any obstacles that may result in shortcomings. Along with the art of being unwavering in your values and persevering beyond your comfort zone. 

I think I would leave you at a disadvantage to strictly spew words of encouragement when discouragement is much more abundant. It would be like learning how to swim before your trip out to the desert. So we will focus on the barren parts of the cultural environment in which we live. Much like a desert, there is an infinite dryness and accompanying thirst caused by the hot flame of mediocrity that burns all around us. If we don’t prepare ourselves to deal with an environment like that, we are at a total loss for overcoming the many trials that live there. 

How do you deal with failure? I mean really. What does it do to you? Does it drive you to a dark place of self deprivation and regret? Do things like alcohol, drugs, sex, and music transform from pleasurable indulgences into emotional crutches? Is failure a motivator or a deterrent? Are the fears that you carry given the justice they deserve or are you too insecure to admit and address their influence on your behavior?

Our inability to address the things that hold us back do nothing except leave us unprepared. Living without fear is a terrible way to live. Live with courage. But this myth that one can live “fearlessly” is an ironically scared way to live in my opinion. A life afraid of fear. If it were possible, I would give that prescribed brand of living the time of day. But the truth is that any of the people living “fearlessly” have just learned how to win more of their battles in the face of fear. They didn’t learn how to side step fear when it presented itself, they learned how to beat its ass mercilessly whenever it reared up to derail their aspirations. They accepted fear.

These muted fears are the discouragement I am talking about. Arguably, all of our discouragement is chaperoned by these decrepit and shadowy doubts. We even have a built in fear machine in our brains called the amygdala. Although my neuroscience colleagues would have more to say, this brain area simply helps us recognize things that could hurt us or make us uncomfortable. A useful tool no doubt. The kicker is that physical and mental discomfort register the same way. A hot stove and a hard conversation are not all that distinguishable in this part of our psychology. But we can’t get a third degree burn from courage. Maybe if we are fighting fires. But asking for a raise, hiring a coach, paying for a gym membership, reading a few more books, going back to get another degree at school… these initially register as fears, but they present no harm by themselves. They are just unfamiliar to us right now. 

The issue comes when we delay the time between intention and action. This problem space is fertile grounds for fear as well as faith. If faith is the thing you want to grow, fear is the weeds that would happily grow in its place. Our brain waters the seed of fear first, if you let it. Our amygdala, our negative cognitive bias. The idea that we psychologically register bad more efficiently than we do for good. It is our job to retrain ourselves to water that seed of faith every time instead of the doubts. Without that important intervention, we succumb to a negative victimized view of our lives. 

So be unyielding in your optimism. Nurture a persistent positive perspective. People will fight you, people close to you, even those you thought were loyal friends. There will often be some sort of push back, but my advice? Hold the pillow down until they stop kicking. Don’t kill anyone, but cut their waste of air out of your life. Suffocate their negativity. Stifle that energy because if that’s the garden they tend inside themselves, it’s only a matter of time before those locusts spread to your field and infringe on your mind. Affect your life. Countless aspects of society will try to cut you down for no apparent good reasoning. And even your brain will fight to get you to surrender to comfort by any means. Out-think, outperform, out-optimism all of it. 

Lastly, don’t be overwhelmed by this pressure to be average or to fulfill a stereotypical identity you could pick up at the drugstore. Setting goals can seem like a fool’s errand sometimes, especially around helpless folks that want to bring you down. Don’t be discouraged to make “unbelievable” goals and end up goalless. Don’t let perfectionism drive you away from making goals either. Strike a balance between emptiness and cliche. And force positive thoughts. Scream them like a crazy person to yourself on the treadmill. Pray on it. Meditate around your intentions. Remind yourself where you are, what you’ve overcome and where you plan on going all the time. That is the key to sticking to a goal. The action that follows a positive, clear, determined mind surely bring nothing short of fulfillment.

The Freedom of Discipline Pt.2– Time

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Last post we talked about the importance of honesty and self awareness as it relates to “managing” your life. I say “managing” because it is really just living. Living purposefully. The next step after weighing the pros and cons of the old you? Develop a plan! A plan of action that hopefully proves to be of significant value to any metric we use for the harmony and balance in our lives.

The T in SMART goals stands for “time-bound”. The project planning on an engineers or architect’s desk for a project is organized by a project flow chart, indicating completion and start times for certain tasks. A classroom, your job, a restaurant, a retail store… all run on time oriented goals. Hell, it’s even a legendary Pink Floyd song with a catchy intro. From when a store opens to when a new marketing strategy kicks in for the upcoming season– We are all slaves to time and its admirably brutal consistency.

The common denominator that earmarks our lives and determines where we will ultimately allocate our resources: time. Time is the underlying framework that we use to organize and prioritize our lives. So if there is a solution to be found, it most certainly lies within the deep dark mysterious realm of time.

Of no mystery to me… In my time mentoring young people, the most crucial skill and hindrance on performance has been time-management. Although most of these young men have entirely different goals and capabilities, all have said that time-management as well as the ability to meditate consistently were their top focus. These skills seemed to make or break performance as a whole in their minds, and they are sure of it. Not parties, not social drama, not even a lack of prefrontal cortex brain development or the monstrous debt looming over them in college. Nope, just time. How they chose to spend it. 

The answers to the problems you have are on your wrist, your microwave, the top of your phone and ringing from bells in that one town with the roundabout and the courthouse. Effective time management is fundamental to any strategy. Ding Dong, ding dong.

We know this though. We know what we ought to do, and we do not do it. Often.

When we set a plan of action, we have to gauge time. So we really look at two things: (1) How much time do we spend doing anything at all and (2) How much time we NEED to spend on the those things. I find my guitar time could cut into my studying, my work could overlap with my gym time. Almost always, my obligations run into one another.

You don’t have to stop doing the things that you love to do or live like a Navy SEAL just to perform better or become more structured. No. But you need to at least get comfortable examining your life a little deeper. (make a schedule, buy a planner, use a calendar)

We fight against bad health, poor relationships, unfulfilling careers, pushy bosses, that guy in traffic that doesn’t understand the critically symbiotic relationship of merging. Kidding, don’t road rage. In reality, we only really fight one thing at the root of it all. Time is the only battle we have. The only boulder we must push up our metaphorical hills. Where we find ourselves in this constant battle is all about how prepared we are. Are we managing our time the best?

Time management is the first step to the momentum shift you want to see in your life. It is very hard to take a first step if you don’t make time to take it. Now it would be a shame if old, feeble, father time kept you from enjoying anything. So just check in on him from time to time so he doesn’t take all of it away from you.

The Freedom of Discipline Pt.1– Goals

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We have the freedom to do just about anything. Right now our ability as humans to wield and manipulate nature is more advanced than anytime in history. We have unlimited free will to mold and reshape the world around us with every decision. So how do we regain control in our worlds? Time management, prioritization, goal setting, strategic planning. Just to name a few. Why is it so important that we architect our lives this way?

Maybe the magnificent lies among the mundane.

Primarily, the things we do are just as important as the things we don’t. What we choose to spend time doing is just as important and vital as the things we avoid. So the question for you is: What do you spend time doing that you think adds the most value, and what do you avoid doing that keeps you from enjoying success?

If the root of all of our stress comes from our to-do lists, I would say it is of the utmost importance as to what we decide to write down. 

Every part of our life has some sort of measurement we employ to keep track of progress. For relationships, it is love. For our careers, money. In our mind, there’s peace. For our body, energy. Spiritually, you have faith.

How are you measuring up to where you want to be in your life? (Love, peace, energy, faith)

Next, it is important to equate all of these measurements and see how they interact. Think: Is the focus on money drawing from your inner peace? On the other hand, a revamping of love could be supplementing your inner peace or energy. Perhaps your time in the gym or on the trails allows you to stay more driven or positive in your relationships.

Whichever the case may be, it is key that we determine the relationships between these different facets of our lives.

How does this relate to discipline? Discipline is defined as “training oneself to do something in a controlled or habitual way”. So one habit is simply to keep track of these metrics in your life. A current-state self check-up. A doctor or a therapist can only guess how you’re doing in these areas, only YOU can tell you how you’re really doing.

Ask yourself how you’re doing because the discipline to be honest with yourself is the first step to change.

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